The Mill
Filters – Choices, Decisions, and God.
Session 4

In all this, we might come to believe that this is an individual – me alone – process. But, as members of the body of Christ, we must reject this lie. Not every decision should be made on our own.
We need our family in Christ, our fellow body members and co-heirs to eternity.

Filter #4 – Ask for help.

We need the humility to ask for help. This is usually something we don’t want to do. In our individualistic society we trick ourselves into believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness. And we desperately want others to think we have everything under control.
However, the wise know when they don’t know something and can ask someone who does know.
The first person we should ask is God.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault and it will be given to you.” [James 1:5]

In scripture there are passages which instruct us to both ask of God and ask others.
“The way of the fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” [Proverbs 12:15]
“Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” [Proverbs 13:10]
Pride says, ‘I’ve got it, I don’t need anyone else.’
Humility says, ‘I need you, we need each other.’
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” [Proverbs 15:22]
“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.” [Proverbs 19:20]

To accept discipline, to accept advice, we have to be humble enough to admit that there are people who are more wise and experienced than us.
e.g. The speaker didn’t understand anything in his year of accounting 1 and 2. To this day, he has trouble remembering the difference between debit and credit.
Now any student in a similar situation has a few options like he did.
He could pray to God, explain to God the importance of passing accounting for getting his business major, the importance of graduating for getting a job, and the importance of getting a job for marrying his girlfriend (who he is married to now btw.) And then he could have asked for sudden God inspired accounting knowledge to flood through him during the test. Having finished the prayer, he could have gone to sleep and hope that a sudden revelation would come to him during the exam.
Or, he could have gone beyond, and asked someone who does understand accounting for help. This I believe is the wiser choice.
Having humility is about not pretending, neither exaggerating our abilities, nor underestimating them. And at times, praying alone can be a statement of pride more than humility.
– Or –
Maybe you find yourself in a marriage, and you come to a place where you realize that you have no idea who your spouse is, who they have become. Perhaps his attentions are more focused on football or games. Or perhaps she is suddenly starting to worry and nag incessantly, arguing at every opportunity.
Now, you find that you don’t even know each other anymore, and no amount of talking seems to be communicating anything. You argue all the time, or you don’t talk at all. You never try and deal with the issues, and conversations turn to shouting matches thinking that maybe if you talk louder, you’ll hear each other.
Do you pretend that your marriage is going great? Or, do you confront the problem with enough humility to admit that your marriage isn’t perfect – there is a problem and you need help.
An older wiser couple, your parents, or maybe a marriage counselor.
Remember that God gives grace to the humble because grace is God working, whereas the opposite of grace is you working.
“Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.” [Proverbs 3:7]
Always be a bit self-suspicious and remember that this isn’t an assumption you are going to fail, but it is a belief that we need each other.

On another note, we need to beware of emotions, because they will cloud our vision and given the space, will scream louder than the truth.
We also sometimes make choices because one option feels more real to us than another choice. However, things that feel more real are often things that are more familiar. But just because something feels more real or familiar doesn’t mean it’s true.
We need people who can speak truth into our lives.

So what do we do when God leads us to a decision? Maybe even a seemingly foolish one?
Rather than slapping around the “God card” and thinking on your own. Have others who can pray with you along the decision process – include others.
Otherwise, we might get into the habit of using it unilaterally, or thinking it absolves us of responsibility.

e.g.
“God told me to break up with you.”
“Ok….. (not much I can say to that).”
Take responsibility.

So, how do we find these wise people?
Ask the right people – a trusted friend, one with a a reputation of wisdom.
Ask the right questions – Instead of, “What do you think?” Which can lead to hasty judgments, or an incomplete truth in the hopes of not offending. Ask, “What would you do if you were me?”
Or, better yet, frame the dilemma and ask someone to pray alongside with you as you make a decision so you can get their input from a more thoughtful perspective.
Ask someone older, who has already tread the path you are considering or walking. Someone you would want to emulate.

When you are asking, don’t ever ask for a mentor, a mentor is a process, not a title. Plus, when you ask someone to be your mentor, oftentimes, in their minds, they are thinking, “what am I committing to if I say yes?”
Rather, just ask to talk with them, give a reason why you want to speak with them specifically. Just ask to talk with them. This way you can draw out of them their experiences without their guardedness of attachments. Either bring a journal or notebook to take notes of what they say, or write down everything they say immediately after the meeting, this not only honors what they are doing, it will solidify these things into your memory, and should you forget, you will always have a record of it to fall back upon.
*I’ve found that, mentors are found in retrospect, not in commitment. You don’t go up to someone and ask them to be your mentor, but through the relationship you develop, you see the qualities of their mentorship in your life.
Prepare more questions than you have time for and if it goes well (you never know, it might not,) then ask for a future, unspecified follow up.
Most importantly, do this with more than one person, have a constellation of mentors who can be constantly speaking wisdom into your life.

It will take time, humility, and intentionality, to develop these kinds of relationships, but in the end you will find God here – we are not meant to live this life alone.