Humility

The Mill
Filters – Choices, Decisions, and God.
Session 4

In all this, we might come to believe that this is an individual – me alone – process. But, as members of the body of Christ, we must reject this lie. Not every decision should be made on our own.
We need our family in Christ, our fellow body members and co-heirs to eternity.

Filter #4 – Ask for help.

We need the humility to ask for help. This is usually something we don’t want to do. In our individualistic society we trick ourselves into believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness. And we desperately want others to think we have everything under control.
However, the wise know when they don’t know something and can ask someone who does know.
The first person we should ask is God.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously without finding fault and it will be given to you.” [James 1:5]

In scripture there are passages which instruct us to both ask of God and ask others.
“The way of the fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” [Proverbs 12:15]
“Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” [Proverbs 13:10]
Pride says, ‘I’ve got it, I don’t need anyone else.’
Humility says, ‘I need you, we need each other.’
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” [Proverbs 15:22]
“Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.” [Proverbs 19:20]

To accept discipline, to accept advice, we have to be humble enough to admit that there are people who are more wise and experienced than us.
e.g. The speaker didn’t understand anything in his year of accounting 1 and 2. To this day, he has trouble remembering the difference between debit and credit.
Now any student in a similar situation has a few options like he did.
He could pray to God, explain to God the importance of passing accounting for getting his business major, the importance of graduating for getting a job, and the importance of getting a job for marrying his girlfriend (who he is married to now btw.) And then he could have asked for sudden God inspired accounting knowledge to flood through him during the test. Having finished the prayer, he could have gone to sleep and hope that a sudden revelation would come to him during the exam.
Or, he could have gone beyond, and asked someone who does understand accounting for help. This I believe is the wiser choice.
Having humility is about not pretending, neither exaggerating our abilities, nor underestimating them. And at times, praying alone can be a statement of pride more than humility.
– Or –
Maybe you find yourself in a marriage, and you come to a place where you realize that you have no idea who your spouse is, who they have become. Perhaps his attentions are more focused on football or games. Or perhaps she is suddenly starting to worry and nag incessantly, arguing at every opportunity.
Now, you find that you don’t even know each other anymore, and no amount of talking seems to be communicating anything. You argue all the time, or you don’t talk at all. You never try and deal with the issues, and conversations turn to shouting matches thinking that maybe if you talk louder, you’ll hear each other.
Do you pretend that your marriage is going great? Or, do you confront the problem with enough humility to admit that your marriage isn’t perfect – there is a problem and you need help.
An older wiser couple, your parents, or maybe a marriage counselor.
Remember that God gives grace to the humble because grace is God working, whereas the opposite of grace is you working.
“Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.” [Proverbs 3:7]
Always be a bit self-suspicious and remember that this isn’t an assumption you are going to fail, but it is a belief that we need each other.

On another note, we need to beware of emotions, because they will cloud our vision and given the space, will scream louder than the truth.
We also sometimes make choices because one option feels more real to us than another choice. However, things that feel more real are often things that are more familiar. But just because something feels more real or familiar doesn’t mean it’s true.
We need people who can speak truth into our lives.

So what do we do when God leads us to a decision? Maybe even a seemingly foolish one?
Rather than slapping around the “God card” and thinking on your own. Have others who can pray with you along the decision process – include others.
Otherwise, we might get into the habit of using it unilaterally, or thinking it absolves us of responsibility.

e.g.
“God told me to break up with you.”
“Ok….. (not much I can say to that).”
Take responsibility.

So, how do we find these wise people?
Ask the right people – a trusted friend, one with a a reputation of wisdom.
Ask the right questions – Instead of, “What do you think?” Which can lead to hasty judgments, or an incomplete truth in the hopes of not offending. Ask, “What would you do if you were me?”
Or, better yet, frame the dilemma and ask someone to pray alongside with you as you make a decision so you can get their input from a more thoughtful perspective.
Ask someone older, who has already tread the path you are considering or walking. Someone you would want to emulate.

When you are asking, don’t ever ask for a mentor, a mentor is a process, not a title. Plus, when you ask someone to be your mentor, oftentimes, in their minds, they are thinking, “what am I committing to if I say yes?”
Rather, just ask to talk with them, give a reason why you want to speak with them specifically. Just ask to talk with them. This way you can draw out of them their experiences without their guardedness of attachments. Either bring a journal or notebook to take notes of what they say, or write down everything they say immediately after the meeting, this not only honors what they are doing, it will solidify these things into your memory, and should you forget, you will always have a record of it to fall back upon.
*I’ve found that, mentors are found in retrospect, not in commitment. You don’t go up to someone and ask them to be your mentor, but through the relationship you develop, you see the qualities of their mentorship in your life.
Prepare more questions than you have time for and if it goes well (you never know, it might not,) then ask for a future, unspecified follow up.
Most importantly, do this with more than one person, have a constellation of mentors who can be constantly speaking wisdom into your life.

It will take time, humility, and intentionality, to develop these kinds of relationships, but in the end you will find God here – we are not meant to live this life alone.

Sheeps and Goats and the Kingdom of God

The Mill
Filters – Choices, Decisions, and God
Session 3

Everyone of us, will inevitably find ourselves in a position where we have thought it through, and a decision isn’t right or wrong, and no one decision seems to be wiser than any of the others. Maybe this is the college you’re choosing, the car you need to buy, or the job opportunity you should take.
What do we do with decisions where no one option seems wiser or right?

Filter #3 – Are you serving yourself or serving others?
Does either choice offer the opportunity to help another?

The heart of this question is the focus of our mind, are we focused on ourselves or on others.
In Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus is telling us about the coming day of judgment when He will separate the believers from the non-believers, like a shepherd separates sheep from goats. And He says to His ‘sheep,’ “For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited Me in. I needed clothes and you clothed Me, I was sick and you looked after Me, I was in prison and you came to visit Me.” To which the righteous ask, when they had ever done any of those things. In Jesus’ reply we gain a glimpse into the Kingdom of God.
“Truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of mine, you did for Me.”

Then Jesus turns and tells the ‘goats’ that they didn’t do all the things which the righteous had done. The ‘goats’ ask Jesus when they had ever seen Him in need or want and Jesus replies, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.”
Jesus Christ’s heart, and the heart of the Kingdom of Heaven is about others.

But, what if no choice still differentiates itself?
“And whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” [Colossians 3:17]
Just pick one. Just pick one. Just pick one. But, whatever you pick, whatever you choose, whatever you decide, carry the name of the Lord Jesus.

“We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus Christ may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may also be revealed in our mortal body.” [2 Corinthians 4:10-11]
Wherever you go, whatever you do, carry the name of Jesus Christ.
There are thousands of companies and celebrities and forces in the world that want you to carry their name, but carry the name above all names.
Stop and think. When people think about you, what names do they think of?
Are you carrying the name of Jesus Christ?
Have you been representing Him in a way which is bringing Him honor and glory?

This principle is the very climax of the entire series. It is the heart of every filter, and part of the essence of what it means to be a Christian.
So why didn’t we start with this question?
Because we all, as Christians, want to glorify and exalt God, but it is such a lofty and unfathomable ambition, that we lose the path and make some bad decisions along the way. Then, we find ourselves later on down the road, carrying a name other than Christ, whether it be our own, or money, or a clothing brand. We lose sight of what we were to anchor ourselves to, our cornerstone and foundation.

Last of all, consider, is Jesus carrying you? As much as we need to carry the name of Jesus, we cannot do it. Our strength is not enough. If we want to want to carry the name of Jesus, we must first humble ourselves and ask Jesus to carry us.

“Do not conform to the patterns of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then your will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” [Romans 12:2]

Carry the name of Jesus.

Beneficial, Constructive, Destructive

The Mill Ministry
Filters – Choices, Decisions, and God.
Session 2

Right and wrong. Obedience and sin. There are certain things that are required of a Christian, not to grant the faith, but to vindicate it. And when it comes to these commandments of God, it really comes down to this – either we will obey Him or we won’t.
However, life isn’t that simple. Nothing is black and white, and we find our lives buried in shades of grey. These vague choices aren’t condemned and they aren’t encouraged. Let’s label these things, which are neither right nor wrong, as ‘not wrong.’

This can encompass everything from controversies like alcohol, smoking, medical marijuana, and spooning, to picking a career, McDonalds or Burger King, the car we buy, and on and on.
What do we do with these?
“ ‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say – but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything,’ – but not everything is constructive.” [1 Corinthians 10:23]
There is an inherent danger in assuming that everything ‘not wrong’ is ok for us to do. These decisions require the guidance of the Great Counselor, the Holy Spirit, with serious reflection in sincerity and in truth.
Why? Because the Bible is in many aspects, descriptive, not prescriptive. It doesn’t hold a rule by rule, situation by situation instruction for how to live our lives. Rather, it describes what a godly life looks like, and rather than obtaining a set of rules to strictly adhere to (refer to Book 4, Chapter 8, Section 2, Paragraph 3, Subsection 4, Line 1) through these descriptive narrations, we can find principles, by which we should act and think.
“Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them. Do not forsake wisdom and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.” [Proverbs 4:5-6]
“For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them.” [Proverbs 1:32]

These two passages lead us to our next filter:

Filter #2 – Is it wise or is it foolish?

We don’t live in a morally neutral or clear-cut world; therefore each situation is unique in circumstance and actors.
So consider these four questions as you debate the wisdom or foolishness of your choices.

Question #1 – Is it wise considering my past?
e.g. should you have a drink of alcohol? The bible says don’t get drunk. The bible also doesn’t say have a drink, or never drink. But consider, if you are a recovering alcoholic, then in light of your past, should you have drink? There are many former alcoholics who won’t drink a sip of alcohol, not because they are doing what the bible says, but in their wisdom, they can admit that for them, they can’t just, “have the one.”

Question #2 – Is it wise considering my present?
e.g. If you are with a friend who is a recovering alcoholic, then should you have a drink?
Having a drink in their midst isn’t wrong, per se, and well within the realm of your “rights,” but is it wise? Or are you acting foolishly and not out of love, but selfishness.
Or another example – you’ve just gotten divorced, and you’ve found a great person, and the topic is heading toward marriage. Considering the fact that you’ve just gone through a divorce, is it wise to be considering remarriage to another person so soon?

Question #3 – Is it wise in light of your future goals and aspirations?
e.g. If you want to go on missions overseas, then is it wise to amass hundreds of thousands of debt attending Harvard university?
Or, an example from the speaker, he tucks in his three boys at night, almost every night of the week. Now this isn’t necessary nor necessarily the easiest thing to do, but because of what he envisions for his future relationship with his sons, it is wise for him to commit that time and intimacy with his kids now.

Question #4 – Are you trading the ultimate, for the immediate?
e.g. When God refers to Himself, He sometimes uses the name ‘The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” But Jacob was not supposed to receive the main portion of the inheritance because he was not the firstborn. But his older brother Esau traded away his birthright for a bowl of soup! Imagine, it might have said “The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Esau.” But Esau traded the ultimate (birthright), for the immediate (a bowl of soup).

Or the Israelites, right after they had fulfilled the 400 years of slavery God had told Abraham his descendants would endure, and He had brought them up out of Egypt with miracles and glory. And in the desert, they began to complain that there was no food, so the Lord heard their grumbling and sent manna – Magical heaven bread. Not only that, but he then sends them quail to eat for meat, so much that the quail covered the camp. So they now have food.
But, of course, a desert is a dry place, and they begin to grumble against God again, and God, hearing their grumbling has Moses go and strike a rock to magically provide water for the whole community. But instead of being called, The Place Where God Provided, it was named Massah, because the Israelites argued and quarreled and Meribah because they had tested the Lord.
“But they [Israelites] soon forgot what he had done and did not wait for His plan to unfold. In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wilderness they put God to the test. So He gave them what they asked for, but sent leanness into their souls.” [Psalm 106:13-15]
For the sake of gratifying their immediate desires, they didn’t wait for God’s plan to unfold, but tested Him, and though they were nourished in body, God sent leanness into their souls.

Are your decisions colored by something more than just the present?

Having gone through the four questions, let’s apply this to a ‘not wrong.’ For instance, let’s say spooning with your boy/girlfriend. There is no law against it or for it, but is it wise, considering your past, your present, your future, and the big picture?
I would say no.
No one wakes up in the midst of a married life, having made a series of great and wise decisions over the course of the years of their marriage, and decides that they are going to throw it all away by cheating on their spouse. There is always a trail of small, bad decisions which culminate into their big decision to commit adultery.
Likewise, things like spooning, making out, staying over at each others place (alone) till 3 in the morning, or falling asleep in the same bed, can be part of the many small decisions which lead to a really big foolish decision.

“Be careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish but understand what the Lord’s will is.” [Ephesians 5:15-17]